remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
