No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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