Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You were trust falling into bushes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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