How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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