is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dear god my vagina.
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