my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
