I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
