i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i believe in u and ur pee
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
