My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize