actually, I'm a sock model
Yo dont text me then not text me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
