just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
