Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
