What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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