I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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