I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
