Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
