We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
