In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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