so explain again why im purple
no
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
