i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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