I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it was like eating out sand paper
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
