its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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