Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
