Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
