it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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