I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
