I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
