and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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