I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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