please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
