god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
