Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
