I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
