The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do vagina's smell?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
