Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
