Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
