Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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