ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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