That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
