i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize