I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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