my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
