someone get that fucking seahorse.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Floor bacon is actually really good
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
