he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He shit in the fireplace
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
