I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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