it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
