i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
