what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
