He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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