just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
