just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
