but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
