My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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