You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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