I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
