I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
