it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A+ Viking dick
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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