She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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