Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
