: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
