I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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