i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
