Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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