we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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