We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish i was in the wii world.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
